OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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