the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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