Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
