Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just want nice things and good sex
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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