worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
