So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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