Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
