I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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