What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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