but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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