see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
