you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
