...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you didnt know i had herpes?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
