***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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