i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
