Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize