I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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