Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
