I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
