So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
