my phone cant type all the emotion im having
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
