Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
