No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
two words...techno handjob
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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