you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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