I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
