with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
