I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
