he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
