my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
