ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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