ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
