Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
