i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
