So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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