oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
