He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There are leaves in my underwear?
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