It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
