thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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