Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
