went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
