tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
