i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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