this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
PANTIES FOUND
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