I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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