smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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