just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
