Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
