Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
