ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize