i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
