Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
