If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
