I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
