Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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