I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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