he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize