you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
