Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
