Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Two words: blizzard sex
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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