the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
