Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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