I wish I could teleport
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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