She's like a pop up book from hell.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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