I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
