mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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