I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
birth control should be required to get into college
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
