It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
