You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to calm my uterus...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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